Waistless wonders
Dear Clothing Manufacturers,
There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about: Low rider pants for toddler girls. Really? I mean, really? They're still in diapers. What's the point? To give the world a better view of four inches of white diaper cloth? To accentuate their body's lines? You know that at age 2, a girl doesn't have a waist or hips yet, right? And you understand that without those womanly curves to hold up the lowriders, the pants will ride really low. Thigh low. Ankle low. It's not that I don't enjoy pulling my girl's pants back up every 15 minutes. I mean, I don't have much else to do. It's not like a 2-year-old ever dumps things on the floor or climbs on top of the piano or sprinkles her breakfast on the floor or anything. It's not like pulling her pants back up to her eventual hips every 15 minutes puts a cramp in my routine. Really, I enjoy it. But I just wish you'd put a label on the pants: Warning--This clothing item not actually meant for practical use. Because you see, when clothes shopping for toddlers, we don't actually put them on the little suckers. There's no way to immediately tell how they'll fit. We put our faith in you, the clothing manufacturers, that if you've taken the effort to stitch little flowers around the hems, you've also taken the time to make sure the article will fit an actual human child. One way you could this is by, oh, I don't know, not creating LOW RIDER PANTS FOR TWO-YEAR-OLD GIRLS.
And while we're at it, flower-shaped buttons? And hearts? Diamonds? Shamrocks? Really? See, there was a reason buttons have been round for centuries--it's the easiest shape to put through a slit. No edges to catch, no points to impede the process. Changing that just doesn't make sense. Do you put egg-shaped wheels on your car in celebration of Easter? And heart-wheels for Valentine's Day? Do you? If you want to get fancy with buttons, by all means, go crazy on clothing for yourselves, adults with mature fingers and nothing better to do all day than force odd shapes through tiny holes. But for toddlers? Have you tried buttoning up a shirt on a girl who is running away? Who is kicking you and rolling off the bed and climbing onto the piano? If I see buttons in cute little shapes, they'd better be sitting on top of some snaps, that's all I'm saying.
I hope we can still be friends. I'm a big fan of your work generally. I really like those kid jeans you make with the hidden waist tighteners. Top notch. And hats? Good job with those. So take care, and I hope we never have to have this conversation again.
love,
shannon.