A wee bit closer
Whew! I am finally starting to feel better about forest born (aka Bayern #4). It has been such a sticky plot to unravel, an incredibly challenging book to write. I had no idea back in the blissful outlining stage that it would become the scourge of my career. I always start out naive. "What a fun book this will be!" I say. "What a delight to write. How lovely to get cozy with these characters. Tra-la-la!" Then comes the work. And the work. And some more work. And agony of confusion.
The root of the problem was that, I think, the story wasn't entertaining me. Enchanting me. I had to go back to why I wanted to tell this story in the first place. I know that a story doesn't have a hold of me when I'm not thinking about it all the time. If the only time I'm working on a book is while I'm actually sitting at the computer typing, then something's wrong. Writing is always more enjoyable and the story is always better if it captures me all the time, and my mind naturally wants to turn it over in the off hours too. I'm finally back to that point with this book. When I close my eyes to go to sleep, I want to think about it. In the shower, driving, eating, any quiet moments between toddler questions and baby needs, I want to think about it. That's very, very good.
I know writers who jump from book to book, have many partial manuscripts, first drafts they've never finished. I don't allow myself to do that. I don't start to write a book until I've been interested in the story and taking notes on it for at least a year, so by the time I start in on a first draft, I've been fully committed to it for some time. I'm always tempted to abandon the book at some point during the process (and with books like this one, many many times) but I'm firm. "No no no," I tell myself. "Be a good girl. Don't you leave those characters hanging. Don't you be afraid to work and bleed a little. Get back to it!" And if I listen and try to be a good girl, I get a cookie or some milk chocolate chips melted in a mug. And eventually, I get a book of my very own.